I have been ill for the past several days. When I was first coming down with this illness, I was convinced it was mono (the kissing disease), because I had the symptoms: I was tired, my throat hurt like heck, I wasn't hungry at all, and I just felt like lying in bed all day doing nothing. So, I told my friend that I thought I had mono. But then I made sure to tell him that I didn't get it from kissing anybody, I remembered that I had shared my water with a friend who might have had it.

Well, apparantly there is a virus going around that ISN'T mono, thank God, but I never got a chance to tell my friend that.

So, when lunch rolled around today, and somebody asked where I was, said friend said, "Oh, she has mono."

When the jokes started about me having unprotected pre-marital kissing fests with the guy I am seeing, he immediately stood up for me.

"No, she didn't get it from him, she got it from a girl!!" he exclaims.

Of course, the table erupts with laughter. So now I'm a lesbian with mono. But wait! It gets better!

To make up for the causing of the lesbian jokes, he said, "Nooo...she got it drinking!"

Their response was, "Oh, so now she's been DRINKING?"

I just pray that no nearby lunch tables were listening in and catching parts of this conversation, or else I may leave school known as Rachel the Innocent, and go back being known as Rachel the alcoholic horny lesbian with mono!

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